Happy Valentine's Day...? by Tiegan Key
We as humans are drawn to romantic love. Our souls yearn to be known on an intimate level by another person, and this is a desire that can create a flourishing relationship. In the Old Testament, the Bible often uses the verb “to know” to describe the sexual relationship between a husband and wife. This desire that exists inside us is beautiful and placed there by God from the beginning. From Adam and Eve, the first married couple, to the pair we see in the Song of Songs, the Bible affirms the blessing of romantic love.
Within our desires also exists the possibility for great pain, and survivors of trafficking are a group of people who have found their sexuality abused over and over again. A deep wound has been created by the selfish lust of others. At war with that wound is the intense desire to be loved and known by another person. Every survivor’s story is as unique as their response to it. At some point during their journey, many survivors find themselves with, or seek out, abusive partners. There are so many reasons why this happens, and it can be easy to look in from the outside and ask why survivors of trafficking don’t always leave abusive partners, even when the survivor is being harmed in the relationship and knows it is unhealthy.
The ability to cultivate and keep healthy relationships is a learned skill, and when relationships have continuously been a source of harm, survivors can experience a complex set of emotions around an abusive partner. “Will I be able to survive without him? Will he do something worse to me or others if I try to leave? Doesn’t everyone’s boyfriend treat them this way?” she might worry. “I don’t deserve to be treated well. I feel safe in the chaos.” When patterns of hurt have become everyday experiences, the absence of pain can feel unnerving because it is new. Sometimes, predictable pain is easier to cope with than unpredictable peace.
It takes great courage for a survivor to step into the unknown and learn to experience the blessing of healthy relationships. They are challenged with relearning many of the thoughts and patterns they once believed to be true, and that is a difficult road to walk. That’s where organizations like Mirror Ministries step in to provide therapeutic services, counselling, and advocacy to help survivors learn and practice the skills that will help them escape and stay free from cycles of abuse. God always meets us where we are; He doesn’t expect immediate perfection. We are all on the path of growth, and the same is true of survivors as they realize their value and worth and learn to protect their safety.
